20171001 - On the chaos of life


This week, I reflect on the past few weeks with a 20min unload on the keyboard. I wrote this piece in on stream-of-consciousness ramble and hope that it conveys my current mindspace. Life is one long tumble and sometimes I forget to reflect. Here is one long rumble of a reflection.

I hope you enjoy :)

20170928 - Scott H On Death

Scott H! Scott is a 28yo third year medical student, 2nd LT in the United States Army, and follower of Jesus Christ. Additionally, Scott serves as the man behind the curtain for this podcast, editing and adjusting the recordings in post-production. During this heady conversation, we discuss a rational belief in faith, his service-based approach to selecting his church communities, and why you shouldn’t bury gold.

I hope you enjoy!

Scott is…
a sinner saved by the grace of God alone,
and a follower of Jesus.

Before Scott dies, he wants…
to share the gift of the gospel to all who will hear it.

When Scott dies, he wants…
to hear “well done, good and faithful servant.”

After Scott dies, he wants…
others to not feel bad.

In conclusion, Scott says…
"Seek the truth.

Going back to the scripture, Matthew 7 & 8, Jesus says, "Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened."

If God exists, then he will see that you are seeking the truth and will present that truth to you.

If you are seeking it."

20170924 - On family reunions


This week, I quickly reflect on a trip to NYC. I wrote this post on my phone and boy does it show!

I hope you enjoy :)

20170917 - On holes of the heart


This week, I mourn the loss of a new, old friend. May his garbage be piled high, his bathtubs always wet, and his meows always droning.

I love you Frank.

20170914 - Nic Werbeckes On Death

Nic Werbeckes! Nic is a 26yo fourth year medical student, recovering Catholic, and thinker. I met Nic when he presented on mindfulness during my first year orientation and I’ve been quietly waiting to interview him since the inception of this podcast. He does not disappoint! During this heady conversation, we discuss the dance between chaos and order, the importance of harmony, and the impact of his grandfather’s death.

I hope you enjoy!

Nic is…
the process of discovery that my consciousness is experiencing,
a balance of chaos and order,
and a being within a biological system.

Before Nic dies, he wants…
to find harmony
and to help others do the same.

When Nic dies, he wants…
to be okay with it,
and to look back.

After Nic dies, he wants…
curiosity to continue.

In conclusion, Nic says…
“Continue to see, in yourself, growth in areas you’d like to see yourself grow.”

20170910 - On taking aim


This week, I reflect on the start of Neuro/Psych and my practice of archery. I recount a few clinical experiences so far in the neurology and psychiatry clinics. Finally, I explain why I've begun to shoot arrows everyday.

I hope you enjoy!

20170903 - On emotional triage


This week, I reflect at length on my Internal Medicine rotation. I journal on each inpatient and outpatient experience, ending with some retrospective philosophizing on emotional triage.

I hope you enjoy!

20170831 - Lucy Horton On Death

Lucy Horton! Lucy is a 72yo hippy, an activist, and an entrepreneur. I met Lucy through an attending physician, Dr. Dehoff, and I am glad to bring her perspective to the podcast. During this conversation, we discuss her cross country ramblings as a young hippy, her 15yrs on a commune in Vermont with 18 other people, joining an Episcopal Church because she wanted to attend school on Sundays, and serving as a volunteer escort for women’s health clinics.

I hope you enjoy!

Lucy is…
an old hippy,
a singer,
and a cook.

Before Lucy dies, she wants…
recreational marijuana to be legalized everywhere.

When Lucy dies, she wants…
to donate her body to science.

After Lucy dies, she wants…
to leave a legacy endowment,
and to have a fun memorial service.

In conclusion, Lucy says…
“Don’t be like me! But do gain as many basic physical skills as you can. Things you can do with your hands. Things you can make.”

20170827 - On relaxing, reflection, and reunion


This week, I quickly reflect on my journey to NH for a bachelor party. I look forward to both the end of Internal Medicine and the approaching fall weather. One obstacle remains: the Shelf exam.

I hope you enjoy!

20170820 - On nights


This week, I reflect on the night shift. This week gifted me free time in exchange for challenges to my partnership. Overall, I feel like I ended up on top and am ready for the end of Internal Medicine.

I hope you enjoy!

20170817 - Camille Imbo On Death

Camille Imbo! Camille is a 25yo fourth year medical student, an older sister, and a black woman. I met her during a SELECT session this year and the rawness of her laugh put her on my radar. During this conversation, we discuss the importance of names and how they change identity, the politicization of blackness, the inseparable mix of purpose and potential, and the soulmate bond between herself and her grandmother.

I hope you enjoy!

Camille is…
and a medical student.

Before Camille dies, she wants…
to live,
to be happy,
to love and to be loved,
and to see the world.

When Camille dies, she wants…
the people around her to be okay without her.

After Camille dies, she wants...
eternal joy,
and to hangout with Jesus.

In conclusion, Camille says...
"Figure out what matters to you, because the world throws a lot at you.

It's easy to get bogged down in thinking what you need to be, what you should be. Figuring out what you want to put out there in this world, what you can put out there, is what, at the end of the day, will get you through any type of situation."

20170813 - On time compression


This week, I reflect on the passage of time and the sensation that it is accelerating. Events in life and the clinic demand processing and learning, but they keep coming and I am doing my best to keep up. I don't reckon they'll slow down for my sake, so I guess I'll just buckle up.

I hope you enjoy!

20170806 - On clinical DGAF


This week, I reflect on a patient that I really didn't like. And she really didn't like me, either. Through this encounter, I picked up a new tool for loosening up tough patients as well as a newfound respect for the physical exam.

I hope you enjoy!

20170803 - M. Singh On Death

M. Singh! Manny is a 29yo fourth year medical student, powerlifter, and rational thinker. In this cerebral conversation, we discuss the tenets of the Sikh faith, the great waste of human potential through procrastination, and the benefits of competition toward the next steps for humanity.

I hope you enjoy!

Manny is…
and searching for an answer.

Before Manny dies, he wants…
to get the ball rolling,
and to see humanity advance to the next step.

When Manny dies, he wants…
to be the kind of person who doesn’t care about how he dies.

After Manny dies, he wants…
to see humanity spread to the stars,
to see us fundamentally rewrite the laws of physics,
and for us to know everything that can be known.

In conclusion, Manny says…
“As far as my parting words, I think I’ll take a moment just to describe what my personal philosophy is and what I think the purpose of life is.”

20170730 - On change


This week, I reflect on change through two stories: one slam dunk and one missed opportunity. Sometimes, a shock to the system is the best medicine to stimulate change and new behaviors.

Perhaps this was mine.

I hope you enjoy!

20170723 - On a long week


This week, I reflect on a long week. I held one family meeting, an end of life discussion, and received some heartening feedback. Then, I look forward to the change back to outpatient medicine, rotating first with the Emergency Department.

I hope you enjoy!

20170720 - Dave Del Negro On Death

Dave Del Negro! Dave is a 26yo third year medical student, athlete, and teacher. Dave has rotated with me through Internal Medicine and teaches wrestling at our informal fight club. During this conversation, we discuss his early diagnosis of ADHD, the value of competitive American Wrestling, and the subject of suicide.

I hope you enjoy!

Dave is…
just as odd as most of them,
a student,
someone who has fleeting ideas of grandiosity,
just a competitor,
and too gritty to be bougie.

Before Dave dies, he wants…
to let Mother Earth know he’s been here,
and to accomplish a whole bunch of fun things.

When Dave dies, he wants…
to see the seventies and eighties.

After Dave dies, he wants…
an afterlife that is individualized.

In conclusion, Dave says...
“I hope someone looks back on this as a time capsule: a very interesting era of human history. We lose the ability to analyze things that happen before us. We’re so stubborn to not listen to history.”

20170719 - On the exploration of limitations


This week, I reflect on my limitations as I grow older and less bold. I consider what 20yo Eugene would have done after bouldering on Tuesday while planning to Spartan Race on Saturday. In the end, I accept the shoulda, woulda, couldas and sleep for twelve hours.

I hope you enjoy!

20170716 - On showing, not telling


This week, I reflect on two stories. First, how a series of hellos left a good impression. Second, how syrup on a short stack of pancakes reminds me of an aged son caring for a sick mother. In the end, I wrap up with some guidelines for my future.

I hope you enjoy!

20170707 - Katrina Wachter On Death

Katrina Wachter! Katrina is a 24yo third year medical student, a musician, a second Lieutenant in the US Army, and a Christian. I’ve known her since the very first days of med school as she is my peer pair partner for the SELECT program. She’s an outstanding example of a human and I am so glad to finally bring her to you. During this conversation, we discuss the value of deep breathing and journaling, her encounters with death, and her desires for a family.

I hope you enjoy! :)

Katrina is…
a ball of anxiety wrapped up in good intentions,
a musician,
a Christian,
and someone who sometimes cares too much.

Before Katrina dies, she wants...
to be married,
and to feel fulfilled in whatever she does.

When Katrina dies, she wants…
to be old,
and to die peacefully around loved ones.

After Katrina dies, she wants…
to be with those that passed before her in the Glory of God.

In conclusion, she says…
“Don't be afraid to ask questions. About anything: about your faith, about how something works, about life in general, about the future.

Don't be afraid to ask those questions because you're never going to learn something unless you put yourself through it. And the best way to do that is through questions.”